A few good wins
Today I woke up at 5.
I hit the snooze once, but I on that second alarm I jumped right out of bed; and made it to that 5:45 am workout. The one I so often miss.
I came home and showered and washed and dried my hair. And I picked out a cute outfit.
Then MM and I headed to NYC.
It was the first time I’ve taken her on a trip like that alone. And, to be honest, I nearly didn’t go.
Toddlers are unpredictable; and so is the city. And I all too often forget some integral parenting tool when traveling alone.
So, for some time, I allowed all these possible missteps and potential meltdowns to scramble my brain, to intrude on our fun.
But I want to be the mom that takes her toddler to the city- or to the zoo, or a museum; and can do it alone.
So I decided to just do it.
I packed a bag of snacks and hand sanitizer and a change of clothes for MM.
We made the train, and she ate those snacks- the ones she declines nine times out of ten. And then she happily alternated between gazing out the window and perusing a screen.
So far so good.
We arrived at Grand Central and I easily hailed a cab and she didn't cry or fidget in the all too hot car. And with each tiny victory I became a little more confident, and a little more proud.
We attended an adorable event where MM danced and played and ate way too much candy. And then we headed back home, and made our second train. Right before the rain.
Another small win.
She ate a combination of jelly beans I bought as bribery and a fruit salad on the way home, before she fell asleep.
And then she napped for hours- from station to stroller to home.
And now, I’m writing this as she still naps soundly in her room; and I could take this time to be hard on myself for more than a few things:
My kid probably watched too much of a screen today- while I got ready; when we rode the train. She's three and still insisted on bringing the binky- the one we swore to throw away over a year ago. And she definitely had too much candy- I counted three pops and about 700 jelly beans.
But for every pop and jelly bean, I can count at least ten times as many laughs.
We made inside jokes and took pictures and made some new friends.
And we made us proud: her for making such an exhausting trip with zero tears at the ripe ole age of three; and me for forcing myself outside my comfort zone- where I learned what sort of beauty can exist there.
So for today, I’ll ignore the imperfections; I won’t beat myself up for my missteps, as I all too often do.
I won’t dwell on the sugar and screens. Instead, I’ll happily accept the wins, as lucky or as small as they might have been- that I was able to get my tired butt out of bead before sunrise; that we made it home and back seamlessly, in one smiling piece.
Because not every day has too many of them.
But the ones that do? Those are the ones worth dwelling on.