Hi, friends! ICYMI: We’re expecting! I shared a little bit about our story on Instagram over the weekend, but I know not all of you have this platform so I thought I’d share it again over here:
I started 2019 off like so many did- By #konmari-ing the heck out of our home. Bedrooms, kitchen, kimono. All of it. And in effort to start the year off fresh, I finally tackled the closets that housed all the tiny odds and ends I kept in hopes of baby number ✌🏻
After five years of trying- 7 failed IUIs; 1 successful IVF followed by 3 unsuccessful rounds; and countless months of trying on our own- I had finally become comfortable with the idea of MM being an only child. And so I started the year off parting ways with so many items I had been holding onto. And it felt good. Bittersweet, but healing in some small way; to just be so happy with what we DO have.
And then a few days later- a little late and feeling SO tired- I took a test. I didn’t expect much: because we had taken a break from fertility treatments; because after everything I never thought we could get pregnant on our own; because I had never gotten a positive on one of those little sticks, not even with MM- a blood test and a phone call told us that sweet news.
But there it was: ➕
And I instantly shed happy tears; overcome with so many wonderful emotions:
Some were new, but many had been there before.
The shock, yes, THAT was new. The surprise was overwhelming and surreal.
But the joy? THAT was familiar. It was JUST LIKE the joy I felt the first time I became a mom- through IVF. And with that familiar feeling I also felt a great sense of relief- relief that I actually hadn’t been missing out on something paramount in the last several years by making our daughter with the help of science. It erased the doubts I had all this time- that becoming pregnant naturally was somehow better; that it would be more special or different or bigger or make me more of a mom.
None of that was true- not one bit of it.
So if there’s just one thing I could have wished for my journey the last 5 years, it’s that I would have known that all along; that no matter how we make our family- whether naturally or through adoption or IVF or egg or sperm donation or surrogacy or stork- it’s all a beautiful, joyful miracle.
No matter how we get here.
Baby GIRL Matkovic arriving this September
Side Note: We had very much intended on having a gender reveal this coming weekend, hence the pink and blue balloons. But this mama here excitedly opened an e-mail from our doctor with some lab results, and learned the happy news of baby girl #2 a little early. Oh, well ; )
photos by Julia Dags